Our 2nd Chance to Love a Second

Follow us on our adoption journey for a sibling for Jayden!


on December 7, 2014

(Or “Why there was nothing but radio silence a week after I started a series of posts on National Adoption Awareness Month”)

beach sunset

So you may remember at the beginning of November I started a series of posts on National Adoption Awareness Month.  I had them all planned out for each day, even scheduling some in advance of their post date and had resources all mapped out to use.  And truly, I was pretty excited about them and where the posts might take us.  But I stopped them.  Here’s what has been happening over the last month:

We had a match (that’s right, it’s in the past tense, as in we no longer have the match) that we learned about at the very end of October.  We were cautiously excited.  It was a little girl and she was due to be born on February 15.  I don’t plan to divulge all of the details of the match here.  In fact, if you are hoping for details, you won’t read them here.  So much of this story still belongs to the birthmother with whom we were matched and I will leave much of it with her.

When we were matched, our Giving Tree fundraiser had just kicked off, too.  And the end of the marking period was quickly approaching for me, along with the end of a grad class I was taking.  And then there was the knowing that Christmas was quickly approaching, too.  So, putting all of those things on top of the endless number of things that we needed to do in response to our match (signing paperwork, reading through documents, setting up a phone line for her to use to contact us, texting her back and forth, learning how to crochet so I could teach her, putting financial things in order to send out retainer fees and birthmother living expenses, making travel arrangements to fly to Arkansas to meet her, updating our home study to renew it…), I needed to find something that I could scoop off my full plate.  Writing those National Adoption Awareness Month posts was the thing I scooped off.

It was in no way indicative of the importance that adoption plays in our life and how much we believe in the process.

So, just as the beginning of November began with the excitement of our match, the end of November ended with another kind of “excitement” as our match fell through.  Like I said, you won’t find many details here about it.  As I’ve mentioned in other posts, scams are very common with domestic adoptions right now.  While she wasn’t scamming us, there wasn’t complete honesty in some areas where she needed to be honest.  And so, with very sad and heavy hearts, the match fell through.

In spite of the sadness, I haven’t felt very angry, which has surprised me.  I have forgiven her, knowing that some very serious mental health issues played a big part in how this worked itself out.  However, the forgiveness doesn’t mean that we are able to continue on with a free pass for her.

So, this weekend, we should have been in Arkansas meeting her.  Having a child already certainly is distracting, though, especially a rambunctious 3 year old who is overly excited that Christmas is almost here!

We are moving on and still hoping and praying for that “just right” match for us.  Please join us in that prayer.  Knowing others are hoping and praying with us certainly also helps with the wait, too.



3 responses to “Update…

  1. Pastor Laura says:

    I am so very sorry for this painful loss, Lisa! My prayers are with you, Doug, Jayden, the birthmother in question, AND the match God has in store for you. May your mourning be turned to dancing, sooner rather than later!

  2. […] an emotionally difficult time for us.  I would definitely say that it was more difficult than the first disruption we experienced in November.  Since then, we’ve known of a few times that our profile book […]

  3. […] in the fall, promising her a few pictures when we came to visit to meet her for the first time.  That meeting never came and we can only trust that God placed us in her life at that time for a reason unknown to […]

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