Our 2nd Chance to Love a Second

Follow us on our adoption journey for a sibling for Jayden!

Decisions, Decisions

on February 7, 2016

Note: This is the second in a series of posts telling where we are headed in our adoption journey from here.  Missed the first? Go here…

If you had told me two and a half years ago, when we first started tossing the idea around about going through the adoption process again, that we would still be a family of three now in 2016, I’d be in disbelief.  I wouldn’t find it impossible to believe, but still…  This wasn’t how things were supposed to be…

And so, almost two and a half years later, we find ourselves at a point where we need to make a decision in how we want to move forward.  If I envision that decision as a pie, and each different option as an individual slice, there are a lot of slices in that pie!  Some slices, though, are not quite as appealing as others, though.

 

 

What really was clear to us as we sat down and talked was that we needed to look beyond what we thought was the original plan for our second adoption.  Which maybe means developing a new plan.  Which, of course, is a little scary, especially when it means that perhaps, *gulp* others might find the original plan a waste of 2 years.

Here are some of the different options we have considered as we move forward:

  • Calling it quits.  Yes.  Ending our attempts is definitely an option.  We’ve talked about it.  And, while there are things about this particular journey that have our energy wiped out, we just aren’t quite ready to throw in the towel yet.
  • Continuing with our agency.  This has 2 options: advertising with them (at a significant fee) or independently.  Either way, if there would be a match, we’d use their advisement as we proceed, at an additional significant agency fee.  These are options we are keeping on the table for now.
  • Foster-to-Adopt.  I’ll try to keep this explanation as brief as possible.  We attended an informational session on this in the fall.  We want to keep our son as the oldest child in our family.  To do that, it means accepting quite a large possibility (at least with the agency with whom we met and that particular age) that our home becomes a revolving door for foster placements until a permanent placement comes along.  This is one of those options that we are tabling for now, but may return to later.  Fostering can be a hot button topic within adoption circles.  Please don’t judge us for that decision.  The decision was quite an educated one and far more complicated than my overly simplified explanation provided here.
  • International adoption.  This one probably comes out of nowhere to anyone who has talked with us about adoption.  It kind of comes out of nowhere for us, too.  But it’s a choice that we are looking at.  And when you begin to look at international adoption, there’s a whole rabbit hole to follow in terms of the numbers of options within it.
  • Embryo Adoption.  I nearly forgot about this option when I first wrote this post.  In fact, I had to go back and add it because I had forgotten that we had discussed it.  If you aren’t familiar with embryo adoption, it is where you “adopt” unused embryos from couples who have gone through and are finished with IVF treatments.  (Some couples are so successful with IVF that they end up with one or a dozen embryos that have been preserved and unused.)  This option begins as a traditional adoption begins, with the home study and a match with the biological parents.  However, once a match has occurred, legally, it is viewed more as a “transfer of property” when the embryos are given to the adoptive couple.  From there, fertility procedures, including drugs, are done for a (hopefully) successful embryo transfer and pregnancy.  It, of course, like all other fertility procedures, is not guaranteed to be successful.  After going through the time that we did with the pills, prodding, and daily injections with our own fertility procedures before our first adoption, I’m just not sure we can do that again.

So, that’s what we’ve been looking at.  To complicate things a little bit further, we are hoping to move by the end of the year.  So, from a financial standpoint, and a home study standpoint, as well as a time-in-our-life standpoint, that makes things a little more challenging.

So, what have we decided?  More in upcoming posts on our decisions, emotions, and ambiguity…

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2 responses to “Decisions, Decisions

  1. […] Wendy’s Adoption Cups Decisions, Decisions » Feb […]

  2. Thoughts are with you as you come to the right decision for you and your family. We are going to infertility treatments while at the same time are in the middle of the adoption process for a little girl in Ethiopia going through the agency called Adoption Avenues based out of Oregon. They have been absolutely wonderful, are upfront and honest, and don’t overcharge like many agencies do.

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